I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize