is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
