I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
