I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
