I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
