btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
