I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
