I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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