Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
