I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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