just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
