I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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