he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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