Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
