sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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