sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
