this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I am spending my child support on dildos
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
