she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
