I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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