Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
