it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
