I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
