you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
sex in a hospital.. check
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
