I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I forgot wine drunk hurts
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
