We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
