She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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