She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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