textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
