so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
