Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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