I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
