Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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