Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
