Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize