Im at strip club and am horny
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
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