Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
