Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
