thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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