so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
