Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize