someone threw a dead crab at me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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