you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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