Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
