R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
