I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
