So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
