I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
