Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
