Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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