he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
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