weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
