loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
