What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
