do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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