She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
