The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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