i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
