Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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