Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
