I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
