Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
