Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
