You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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