I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
