You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
