Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
