The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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