the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
