I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
