So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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