so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
