the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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