Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
