My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
