i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
