And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize