I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
