I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
